Who I am (was?)

So Its been a while since my last post and I'm sorry its kinda down but whatever. lol. 

I know who I am. In the 26 years that I've spent with myself, I've only recently become comfortable with who I am.  That's something, that in this world, should never have happened. Before the wheels start turning and the rumors start flying, Im not gay. (but I admit it does kinda start like a coming out of the closet letter. Haha)

So who am I?  A man cursed with a good heart. In a perfect, or even decent world, that statement would be an oxymoron. "Cursed with a good heart" would be an ignorant and invalid statement by itself. But let's be real. The world we live in is far from decent and even farther from perfect. I mean take a look around. War for years, murderers and rapists out the wazoo, media promoting bad, and Justin Beiber has a movie about his life and he's only 17! Where's my movie?! You get the point though. The world is pretty bad right now. A good heart is no more than a target, where a hardened heart is protected. Now understand when I say a "good heart" I mean a "giving and open heart" People love a person with a good heart, because of what they can get out of them. Sometimes intentionally, most times not intentionally. Human nature.

If someone is offering something, why not take it? Is it wrong to take it? It was offered. So whats the problem? Answer this question.  Why take what you don't need? Taking an excessive amount of something you don't need, just because its there, is called greed. Kinda like those people you see at the buffet, grabbing a bunch of toothpicks on the way out. lol. They don't even really use all those toothpicks. but hey, they're free! (You guys knew I had to put something about food in here)

Now the fact that it is taken and used, wouldn't be so bad. The real problem comes when little to nothing is given back. Kind of like those acquaintances, that everybody has, that always call for rides but never even offer any gas money. They're getting everywhere they need/want to go, your tank is running out, your wallets getting empty from trying to refill the tank (bad enough without handin out free rides with these gas prices) and sooner or later, you have nothing left to refill the tank with.

I'm running on fumes right now, so before my tank runs out, I have to make some changes. The life of a good hearted person is a heavy and lonely life. You have countless friends, but no companionship. You have tons of love, but little to no respect. The expectations and standards that people have for you, are far above those for most others. These things can be changed but i really don't have the strength anymore to hold up the weight I've put on my shoulders.  Its possible to have a good heart and not be trampled. Just have to prioritize who you open that heart up too.

The friends I'm close to and my family will see no change. The people that have taken and given nothing back, its on them. The smiles on their faces, their relationships, their happiness, all their responsibility. I have nothing to do with it anymore. I will always be respectful, and always the gentleman that my mom n dad raised me to be. No doubt but I'm no longer sacrificing my happiness or pride for someone else's.

 This is not up for debate, not up for discussion. I don't want or need to hear "stay how you are" or "don't change". I'm tired of hearing it and more tired of people that can't or won't do it themselves expecting me to do it for them.